Change of plans/postponement

Well, that trailer I was so excited about finding...the guy did not have a title on it. And when I questioned Zoe of "Zoe's Lusby" then I found out that having a title on the RV before you take it down to the frame is very important. Okay, so the trailer was made in 1983...so I can understand the missing paperwork, especially when they had it just sitting out as a storage shed...but I cannot understand why no VIN number on it? Did they even make VIN numbers on RV's back then? Also, the guy said that he had a bill of sale on it before I went to see it, then when I got there, he said he had to find it. So, supposedly he found it, but he didn't have the signature of the man who sold it to him, and that man is supposedly already passed away. So, there is no way I can get this titled in its current state as being an RV. Since that was the case, the man lowered the price to $300 from the already cheap $500. Am I being paranoid now when I think perhaps this trailer might be stolen?? I do not want to build my tiny house on a hot frame! So, I called the deal off.

MEANWHILE....back at the ranch...nah, just kidding. Seriously now, meanwhile, I have found a house that is on a foundation in the country about 10 to 15 miles away from my new job. I can get it through "owner finance", buying it from an investor who snatched up a good deal in a foreclosure sale. The man who lost his house did so because of cut-back on his hours, but he is okay...he is staying with his sister. Plus, he was offered the chance to stay there and make rent payments to the new owner, but he didn't/couldn't take that offer due to his lowered work hours. But, at least he does have a roof over his head. Thank God for that!

We still have a roof over our heads...for now anyway. I'd love to have the $3,000 it would take to get into that house. My landlord accelerated the move out date, so I have to be out at the end of June. I have prayed a lot about this, and I just think that God can get me the $3,000 needed by June 30.

Let's see, who can I ask? I hate to ask anyone to borrow money. I hint around at it with my family, and they all say they don't know anybody with that kind of money to lend. Either my family is very poor or very stingy! Maybe they are poor BECAUSE they are stingy! The Bible says in Provers 11:23-25, "There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty." So, scatter your money around, doing good with it, and you will get more. But if you withhold more than what your're supposed to give, then you will have poverty.

I only need $3,000 to get into that tiny 2 bedroom house. It is plain, not fancy, needs some repair work and TONS of cleaning (he was a heavy smoker, apparently, because the place is saturated with the smell of cigarette smoke!). I will have to fix everything and spend my own money to clean everything and buy the materials to clean with!

So, can I bother you to make a donation to me now?? The house is the perfect solution to me...so, please give if you can and what you can...it will make a difference in our lives.

I appreciate everything! Thanks ahead of time! I can pay you back if you state that it is a loan...I can pay you back when I get my income tax check whenever I get to file...possibly as early as January or February!

So, may I borrow some money, please, so that me and my child don't become "shelter challenged"??

Thanks!

Found a trailer! Found a trailer! Found a traaai-ler just now!

Hi everyone...or is it, Hello me??

Regardless of who is or isn't reading this blog...I have good news! I did find an old RV to strip down to be my foundation for my tiny house...just like Zoey's Lusby! Oh, the other trailer I had found...I decided that it had too much rust, and it was only 24 feet...this new one is 32 feet and costs $100 LESS! I can put things where I want them! I will have a storage room on the back of the house like the Gypsy Rose (see http://www.paddleways.com/blog/gypsyrose/)

Matters are complicated now due to me having to find another apartment to live in by the end of the month (this is EXACTLY why I need my tiny house!)

Countdown....

All I need to say is that today is laden with heavy, sorrowful, mournful, dreadful emotions. We buried my brother's wife today, and my "husband" has 4 more days until he has to leave the country. Meanwhile, I have to be out of this apartment by the end of this month and I have NO PLACE to go.

Thanks be to God who loves me and provided a job to me to take care of my child with.

I read the back of a van today, "Serving the Lord really pays."

I just want to serve the Lord. And hey, if we never have another place to go, so be it...even the "Son of Man" had no place to lay his head down. He had to sleep outside or in some other person's house.

I just feel like crying right now, again. I need someone to rescue me! My husband was supposed to take care of me, now I'm just,,,ah, forget it...no one ever reads this stupid blog anyway.

Joy is supposed to follow sadness, right??

Yeah, I thought joy was supposed to follow sadness, like the rainbow comes after the rain, right?

So, today my brother's wife, who was in the ICU at the hospital after having a much needed quadruple bypass surgery...well, her heart stopped and she could not be revived. My Christian friends had been praying for her and I thought that she was going to walk out of there on her own two feet...but I guess God had other plans. You know, I had friends pray for my brother, recently, who normally gets sick and throws up the 2nd day after putting on his pain patch (he has pancreaitis ...yeah, I don't know how to spell that word!) and when I went to see him on his birthday, the first day of his new pain patch, he had a headache. When he told me of the routine vomiting on the 2nd day, I prayed on the way home for him and had my Christian friends pray for him. Guess what? The next day he did not throw up! HE DID NOT THROW UP! The God of Heaven is not a mean God, like some people are, He is a LOVING GOD and full of Mercy. The Bible says that He will have mercy on whom He will have mercy...then again we learn that He will have mercy on the merciful. I don't feel like looking up the exact passage right now, but if you want me to, leave me a note and I will. When I asked my brother about how he felt the next day, he said "fine", and I asked him if he threw up and he said, "no". I shared with him that I and my Christian friends had prayed for him and he said, "I thought something like that had happened because of the drastic change!" This is actual evidence of the power of prayer and God being a merciful, loving God towards us through Jesus Christ. (Who is sitting alive at the right hand of God's throne making intercession for sinners turned saints through repentance and faith in Him).

So, since the prayers had worked so well for my brother, I had EVERY confidence that his wife would also recover. As it turns out, this is another form of healing, called "Immaculate Healing" So, she is living without the burden of her body now.

But, okay, that is sad to me because my brother loved his wife and he needed her, too.

Another sad thing that happened today is that my so-called "husband's" nephew called me today asking for HIS van back. You see, when my "so-called husband" gave me this van to drive, he kept referring to it as "your van" meaning it was my van. I accepted it since the finance company came and got my Prius. I was going out one Saturday morning to clean it out, and it wasn't there! The lady on the phone said, "Maam, we can't let you have access to a car that you're not paying for."

So, I owed about $26k for it. After they auctioned it off, they sent me a bill for over $18k. My message to them is, "Maam (or Sir) I can't make payments on a car that I don't have access to!!" Besides...if I'm out of work and cannot afford a $611@month payment, how do they expect me to come up with $18k??

So, I was very appreciative of the van, thinking that, perhaps, he was getting to be a husband after all...by my mind's definition, a husband is a person who takes care of the wife's needs. You can imagine how upset I was when his nephew called and informed me that this van is in HIS name and that he needed it back. He threatened to file a report that I was an unauthorized driver and also told me that it was HIS money that my so-called husband had been using to pay my rent all this time. Well, long story short, after much arguing back and forth which ended up with me crying, the nephew of the so-called husband relented and said that I could drive it until he calls for it, that he doesn't need this van, anyway. So, I thank God for having Mercy on ME, too!

People, please learn from my lesson here...please don't marry outside of your faith. There is ALWAYS consequences to sin, and that IS a sin. Some consequences are harder to take than others, but I'd much rather have blessings than consquences. (since the word "consequences" has a negative connotation.)

I don't care anymore if you give me money or not, God will provide with or without your money. But, remember the promise of God's Word, I have it written on the right side of the window near the Donate button. God keeps his promises, we can take joy in that.

Forgive my rabbit trails tonight with my thought processes. It's been a very emotional kind of day and I'm sleepy.

I hope all is well with you and your household. Leave me a note and I'll write you back.

GOD is GOOD!

Finally today I heard from one of my interviewers and I've been invited to come to work temporarily for the months of June and July. He said it might turn into full-time permanent employment. The pay is meager, to say the least, as it is an entry level position, and won't be enough to complete my tiny house before time for us to move out. Our deadline is August 31, 2009. We gotta be out of our apartment "by the end of summer" for the apartments to be renovated. This job will pay my rent and utilities until I have to be moved out, since I have learned that my so-called "husband" now has to leave the country in TWO weeks! I just got off the phone with him and he told me that just now. He had been supporting me, paying my rent and utilities, collecting receipts while keeping up his little ruse for the Immigration department.

That is where my life went wrong...I took a wrong turn when I married someone not a citizen already, and outside of my faith. What can I say?...I turned 40 and Foolish! Got tired of waiting and took matters into my own hands. After I married him things began to change quickly. His personality changed, he got angry over nothing, and treated me to lengthy periods of not talking while delivering "hate stares" during the day, and "mad backs" at night. He didn't want to be with me alone, he always went to his relatives' house (and I tagged along to be with him) and they sat for hours speaking Arabic with each other. I just sat and watched TV, reading the English subtitles when they had them, or went to where the children were playing--the children were nice enough to speak English with me. I'm missing them since I've been living apart from him ever since November of 2007. The rest of his family seem to be decent people, too. (Just didn't like that they left me out of most EVERY conversation...at their houses it's "All Arabic, All the Time" [I guess I would want to speak English at every opportunity possible if the shoe were on the other foot, so I can understand it, even though I didn't like it])

Yeah, he hurt my heart in so many ways. Some other woman,without faith in God, in this same situation, with these same hurts, just might have done something to have made her notoriously famous, along the lines of Lorena Bobbit, or worse. But, me being the type to try to forgive and move on, because that is what God wants and expects from us...well, it's just hard to move on when he is still here in MY hometown, and whenever I speak with him he STILL shoots out those hurtful barbs, and I HAVE to speak with him because he's paying my bills. He told me twice during our "marriage" that he "didn't WANT TO KNOW" me. Once was at a marriage conference called "Weekend to Remember" that I had paid for. Oh, yeah buddy, I SURE remember that one! The other was just before he went to Florida to visit his son (real reason he's here) ALL by himself, AGAIN! (With just purchased underwear that he didn't wear until he went on that trip...now WHO was he wearing that new underwear for?? and WHY didn't he wear it before he left?) I filed an annulment because he had made a promise to me before we were married, then reneged on it after we were married. There is not any restriction on time for this. I can't tell you what it is right now because the case is still pending.

So, in my mind, I'm thinking that he is in this country because of ME. So, if he does something wrong for someone while he is here, then that is MY fault because I'm the one filling out and sending in all these petitions. So, I just wrote Immigration telling them that I withdraw my sponsorship. They can let him stay if they want, but I'm not going to be held responsible for him being here anymore. Since I canceled my sponsorship...his little jig is up! I might never have done this if he hadn't told me practically a MILLION times and each time in an ANGRY, HATEFUL way, "I don't need ANYTHING in YOU! I can find ANY woman to bring my children over! You act like YOUR the reason I'm here!" Well, looks like the first rant statement was NOT TRUE, he is seeing that now. The second rant statement might be true since he can be Oh-so-kind and Convincing when he wants to manipulate you. The third rant statement is also VERY TRUE, since my name was on all the paperwork petitioning for him. I mean, his mistake was marrying me "for love" but then treating me and this marriage like it was some "deal". Oh, the incidents I could tell you about if only I had the time!!

I've been agonizing for a LOOONG time. I have been searching and applying for jobs, and going to interviews...but not anyone hired me for any sustainable employment (tutoring here, subbing there). I have prayed to the Heavenly Father to PLEASE send me another channel of His provision and to get this man AWAY from me and BACK to his country. Isn't it funny how on this day that I am notified to come to work, later I find out the "husband" has to leave the country?! That is GOD, who LOVES me, taking care of me! Praise the Lord for saving me with His Mighty Right Hand--Jesus Christ!

If you feel led or inspired to share of your provision from God with me, please scroll up and click the Donate Now button at the top right of the webpage now. Any amount will do. Even if it's a "measly" $1, it will show me that someone out there sympathizes with my plight and it will be very much appreciated. Remember, the Lord will repay you for your generosity! Thank you so much! and God Bless You!

I've Found a Trailer for the Foundation

I'm going this Sunday to see the trailer. It's a 2-1/2 hour trip one way. The owner said it has surface rust but that the frame is straight and structurally sound...what do you think?

I've been searching Craigslist and Ebay for weeks now until the wee hours of the morning. I hope and pray this is the last of my search.

I did research on how to get rust off. Seems like CLR and self-etching primer followed by enamel, then undercoat, then more enamel might do the trick of taking the rust off and protecting it from future rust issues. It's really interesting to know that with just a little water the iron starts turning back into it's original iron ore state. My girl and I toured the steel plant in Birmingham and carved out molds into which hot, liquid iron was poured into. They put some gravelly substance in the molds first...it acted like flour in a baking pan, to help the cake turn loose from the pan. I'll re-edit this later when I get a picture of those iron plaques we made!

Well, keep those donations rolling in! Like I say, I don't see your account info at all--it's all handled securely through PayPal.

Peace and Blessings!

Sometimes It Hurts to Give

Today I cried a river of tears as I did the necessary thing. I gathered up my child's first books and put them in a pile to give away, placed the pile neatly in a crate, then hauled the crate to the Baptist Mission center. It hurt me to let go of those little books because these books represented precious periods of time in my little precious's life and mine. Times that were far better than now. I'm still sad as I'm writing this. Some comfort, however, is provided with the thought that another little child will bond with her mother over these stories. But, I felt like I was giving away her childhood, too.

My child is my world. Without her I couldn't live this life. I never want to forget her childhood, either. But, alas, to downsize your life, you must let go of the objects that represent the memories. I didn't take any pictures, like the experts say to do when you are trying to declutter your home. A picture is not the same as holding the book and leafing through it's pages and reliving the special moments you shared together reading these stories.

I wanted a house big enough to fit us and all our stuff. Now, I just need a place to stay dry and warm in the winter and cool in the summer. If no one ever helps me raise the money and I stay unemployed (and I'm looking everyday, by the way) then I cannot buy my tiny house, but will have to settle for something like this:

Please, can you spare a dollar?...or 10?...or 100? If everybody chips in just a little, then it will add up to be more than enough to build my tiny house for my tiny family. The rest I can pass on to charity on behalf of all my contributors!

THANK YOU AHEAD OF TIME!!